Sitting here wonder how the fuck do I actually feel!
I speak to my friends on a daily basis we ask how each other are and every time I find myself saying “yeah I’m cool, you know how it is. How are you” but if course that’s my way of avoiding the conversation. Of course they don’t know how it is, how I’m feeling and how could they?
The biggest fear I have is being a burden to people around me, people not wanting to be around me if I’m not full of banter and joy. Truth is at the moment I am not happy, I am lost and I don’t even know how to help myself.
All I want to do is sleep, I don’t want to social (but I force myself to so I’m not isolating myself) I don’t want to work, I’m not motivated and in general I just have no clue what I need to do about it! I’m looking for something/someone to fill a void that doesn’t need to be filled it needs to be healed.
We’re living in a world where everybody is “living their best life” and it’s draining! I love seeing people around me succeed and do well and so many are, but also makes me look at myself and think well “why can’t I motivate myself to do better”
How do you heal when you don’t know why you need to heal? How do you ask for help when you don’t know what you need help with? I can’t even pin point when these feelings started creep back in and I’m so frustrated.
I want to help myself but I don’t know how like where do I start?
Lost, lonely and in self destruct mode!